Does it get better?
Stay blessed and forever beautiful,
Dawn
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Roller Coaster, Anyone? Anyone?
In the last couple of months my body has gone through some changes. Mentally, physically, emotionally, hormonally and I'm sure in other ways. I feel like I am a bi-polar, sad, depressed, happy, energetic, lethargic, grabbing for love and other things. At times I think things are going well and then I have a bad day and everything goes to shit. Why? Because of my emotions. I hurt people I love. I hurt myself because I hurt the ones I love. It seems like a never ending cycle. I know I keep coming back to the whole menopause thing. I really feel like I've been on a roller coaster for the last 9 months or so. Some things I used to be able to let go of I can't. Some things that shouldn't matter, do. Somethings that used to piss me off, don't. But on the other hand things that used to not piss me off, do. I cry at the drop of a hat. I am lonely, and sometimes that loneliness gets the best of me. As I reread this post I have my laptop on my lap, my dog next to me and I'm crying. Yep, I'm a Big M......a mess.
Does it get better?
Stay blessed and forever beautiful,
Dawn
Does it get better?
Stay blessed and forever beautiful,
Dawn
Friday, January 25, 2013
Me - Eight Paragraphs or Less
Sometimes I sit and just contemplate my life. I've always been known to think too much. But now that I'm single I seem to be thinking "more" lately. If that could ever happen. The thinking too much, not the singleness. There are just somethings that I know that I need and want in a partner, and what that woman will have to put up with when dealing with me. I can be a handful at times and more so that I'm going through menopause. Ya, I know it sucks but at least I'm putting it out there. Can't say that I'm not being honest.
I am attentionally (my own made up word) promiscuous. Can you figure it out? In laymen's terms I like attention. I was trying to make it sound good. That's why I want my partner either to have grown kids that live out of the house or have no kids at all. I know that may make me sound like a bitch but I'm at an age where I want it to be me and my partner. Where we can pick up and take off at a moments notice or we won't be interrupted by people barging in when the doors closed.
If you start the relationship off by texting or talking a lot, carry that throughout the relationship. Don't stop once you get that person. I'm someone who likes communication. It makes me think that once there is a label on the relationship people stop doing what it is that got them there in the first place. It's like everybody puts on their game faces getting to know the person. Then there comes that "label" of a "committed" relationship and they stop communicating, stop having sex, they just "stop."
I don't want someone who controls me or wants to control me. I am an adult. I know how to control myself. I shouldn't have to tell a woman where I'm going every single minute of every day. And neither do I want to know where that woman is going every single minute of every day. Let there be some mystery to the relationship. That's where the trust comes in. If you are not going to trust me then there's the door. Don't think I'm going to be the same as the ones who have come before me. I'm not the one.
With all this being said, I am truly a very nice person. I'm a giving, loving, nurturing, funny woman. I give till I can't give anymore. THAT very thing has gotten me into trouble in previous relationships. What I give I want in return. Yes, I know that you should just give and have no expectations of getting anything in return. I'm human. I want it in return.
Communication to me is the NUMBER ONE thing is a relationship. If you don't have communication in my opinion you don't have shit! You can forget it. I'm not going to talk to a brick wall. Be able to talk face to face. Do not use text or email to hide behind. I'm not going to jump down someone's throat just because you want to talk to me. THAT'S WHAT I WANT! Sometimes I think technology has made cowards out of people. They can hide behind the screen.
And last but not least....intimacy. Can be emotional, physical, or personality wise. Communication is the emotional intimacy. If you can carry on a great conversation with me and we can talk about anything under the sun and not get pissed, angry or upset about whatever it is we are talking about then that's cool. Physical intimacy, the sitting there watching a movie and you look at each other and you know there's going to be a kiss, a touch, the touching of feet, I like that type of stuff. I'm a romantic at heart and it has NOTHING to do with all the damn romantic novels I've read. I'm a WOMAN therefore I want and NEED romance. Beings that I'm going through menopause right now and probably will for the next several years I have seen that during the last couple of months my drive has gone from a 10 down to a 4 or 5 on the sex scale. Sucks for me. But it is what it is. What I really like is cuddling. Laying in bed, playing footsies, talking into the wee hours of the morning (remember I get hot flashes and have insomnia because of the fucking menopause) might as well put it the good use :) If you can make me laugh hysterically and I have to wear a pad because I pee on myself laughing that's a great thing. I want to have to buy stock in POISE PADS. I have a weak bladder anyway from bearing a child so I have the pads on hand if need be :)
Oh did I mention I have my days when I can be all smiley, joking, laughing and just like the Kansas (where I grew up - RCJHGKU) weather wait five minutes and it all changes. Yep, I will be pissy, emotional, weepy, bawling, and needing a hug and in the next five minutes I can be sad and melancholy. Just like the hot flashes it's a whole damn cycle. Sometimes it really sucks being a woman.
So there ya have it.......me in eight paragraphs or less. Oh trust me there's a lot more to me then just all these words. But you won't find out unless you want to find out. And ya'll thought I was just a pretty face. LOL NOT! :) Well I am pretty cute.
I am attentionally (my own made up word) promiscuous. Can you figure it out? In laymen's terms I like attention. I was trying to make it sound good. That's why I want my partner either to have grown kids that live out of the house or have no kids at all. I know that may make me sound like a bitch but I'm at an age where I want it to be me and my partner. Where we can pick up and take off at a moments notice or we won't be interrupted by people barging in when the doors closed.
If you start the relationship off by texting or talking a lot, carry that throughout the relationship. Don't stop once you get that person. I'm someone who likes communication. It makes me think that once there is a label on the relationship people stop doing what it is that got them there in the first place. It's like everybody puts on their game faces getting to know the person. Then there comes that "label" of a "committed" relationship and they stop communicating, stop having sex, they just "stop."
I don't want someone who controls me or wants to control me. I am an adult. I know how to control myself. I shouldn't have to tell a woman where I'm going every single minute of every day. And neither do I want to know where that woman is going every single minute of every day. Let there be some mystery to the relationship. That's where the trust comes in. If you are not going to trust me then there's the door. Don't think I'm going to be the same as the ones who have come before me. I'm not the one.
With all this being said, I am truly a very nice person. I'm a giving, loving, nurturing, funny woman. I give till I can't give anymore. THAT very thing has gotten me into trouble in previous relationships. What I give I want in return. Yes, I know that you should just give and have no expectations of getting anything in return. I'm human. I want it in return.
Communication to me is the NUMBER ONE thing is a relationship. If you don't have communication in my opinion you don't have shit! You can forget it. I'm not going to talk to a brick wall. Be able to talk face to face. Do not use text or email to hide behind. I'm not going to jump down someone's throat just because you want to talk to me. THAT'S WHAT I WANT! Sometimes I think technology has made cowards out of people. They can hide behind the screen.
And last but not least....intimacy. Can be emotional, physical, or personality wise. Communication is the emotional intimacy. If you can carry on a great conversation with me and we can talk about anything under the sun and not get pissed, angry or upset about whatever it is we are talking about then that's cool. Physical intimacy, the sitting there watching a movie and you look at each other and you know there's going to be a kiss, a touch, the touching of feet, I like that type of stuff. I'm a romantic at heart and it has NOTHING to do with all the damn romantic novels I've read. I'm a WOMAN therefore I want and NEED romance. Beings that I'm going through menopause right now and probably will for the next several years I have seen that during the last couple of months my drive has gone from a 10 down to a 4 or 5 on the sex scale. Sucks for me. But it is what it is. What I really like is cuddling. Laying in bed, playing footsies, talking into the wee hours of the morning (remember I get hot flashes and have insomnia because of the fucking menopause) might as well put it the good use :) If you can make me laugh hysterically and I have to wear a pad because I pee on myself laughing that's a great thing. I want to have to buy stock in POISE PADS. I have a weak bladder anyway from bearing a child so I have the pads on hand if need be :)
Oh did I mention I have my days when I can be all smiley, joking, laughing and just like the Kansas (where I grew up - RCJHGKU) weather wait five minutes and it all changes. Yep, I will be pissy, emotional, weepy, bawling, and needing a hug and in the next five minutes I can be sad and melancholy. Just like the hot flashes it's a whole damn cycle. Sometimes it really sucks being a woman.
So there ya have it.......me in eight paragraphs or less. Oh trust me there's a lot more to me then just all these words. But you won't find out unless you want to find out. And ya'll thought I was just a pretty face. LOL NOT! :) Well I am pretty cute.
Can't Sleep and Other Things That Go Bump In the Night
I haven't had this insomnia problem for almost a week. The bad part of it is that I sleep better when I have someone to cuddle up to. But then when I have someone to cuddle up with I get hit flashes that I throw off the blankets and roll away from the person and to make matters worse then I get cold again, cover up, and start to cuddle again .... and you get the crazy picture. A never ending cycle. Maybe I should get a body pillow? Blow up doll? LOL. Wait that would be for something else. Maybe a body pillow filled with ice cubes and a heating pad all in one?
All I know is that I've been laying here for 45 minutes and I'm wide awake!!!
All I know is that I've been laying here for 45 minutes and I'm wide awake!!!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Night Sweats, Hot Flashes, and Bitchiness, Oh MY!
As I said in my profile I am a MENOPAUSAL woman. Even as I sit here typing out this post I am starting to have a freaking hot flash. NOT COOL! Ha Ha. Pun not intended. It starts from the top of my head down to the tips of my toes. I've learned to dress in layers and right now one of those layers is coming off. It's just another day in the life of me. There are supplements, books, and whatnot's out there for me to use but I'm only working VERY part time right now and those things to money. So I'm doing the only cheap and free thing as of right now. OPENING windows and letting that fresh and cool air in. Or grabbing my kindle that is suppose to be for reading and fanning it in front of my face. So I'm a multi-tasker. I get points for that, right? I drink cold water with LOTS of ice cubes. At least hopefully I'll start getting my eight glasses of water down me!
Maybe I should lay off the 3-4 cups of coffee I drink a day? NOOOOOO!!! I can't do that. Maybe I should switch to decaf? NOOOOOOO!!! But they say it will help with the hot flashes. Hell, what do they know? Who are they? Doctors, websites, other people I've talked to. See, I think I'm addicted to my daily doses of my java. Even though I've been drinking it for a very long time, I think I'm immune to it. I don't think it does much for my energy level much anymore.
I know the other day when I was home alone sitting Indian style on my bed I was having crying fits. Ya, I was lonely, but nothing else was really wrong at the time. All I could do was cry. I mean BAWLING. Snot rolling out of my nose making a beeline to my upper lip that did not look attractive at all. Those who know me know that I'm kind of vain. In some ways. I was alone in the house. What the hell did I care! LOL! I'd take a shower before anybody got home anyway. So I sat there and bawled, snot running everywhere and hugged my dog. Even though she is much more than "just a dog." She's my dog. My road dawg. My chihuahua. The only one who gives me unconditional love.
If you have any low-cost menopause tips let me know! Put them in the comments below.
Okay that's all I have for now y'all. Just my thoughts, musings, venting throughout my life at the crossroads.
Stay blessed and forever beautiful,
Dawn
Maybe I should lay off the 3-4 cups of coffee I drink a day? NOOOOOO!!! I can't do that. Maybe I should switch to decaf? NOOOOOOO!!! But they say it will help with the hot flashes. Hell, what do they know? Who are they? Doctors, websites, other people I've talked to. See, I think I'm addicted to my daily doses of my java. Even though I've been drinking it for a very long time, I think I'm immune to it. I don't think it does much for my energy level much anymore.
I know the other day when I was home alone sitting Indian style on my bed I was having crying fits. Ya, I was lonely, but nothing else was really wrong at the time. All I could do was cry. I mean BAWLING. Snot rolling out of my nose making a beeline to my upper lip that did not look attractive at all. Those who know me know that I'm kind of vain. In some ways. I was alone in the house. What the hell did I care! LOL! I'd take a shower before anybody got home anyway. So I sat there and bawled, snot running everywhere and hugged my dog. Even though she is much more than "just a dog." She's my dog. My road dawg. My chihuahua. The only one who gives me unconditional love.
If you have any low-cost menopause tips let me know! Put them in the comments below.
Okay that's all I have for now y'all. Just my thoughts, musings, venting throughout my life at the crossroads.
Stay blessed and forever beautiful,
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